JOKES

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special edition >>  12 sardar jokes , Adult jokes

Best of Customer and Tech Support

Help desk realities:


Still wondering why call center people get paid so much (..........) for just being on the phone, take a look and you will get the answers:



Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."


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Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


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Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."


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Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: ?!%#$


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Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


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Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."


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Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"


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Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."


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Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."




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Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."


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Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"


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Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"


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A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.


10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Let me know how it goes.


10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file.
Let me know how it goes.


1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.


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Customer Care Officer: "I need a product identification no. right now and may I help u in finding it out?"
Customer: "Sure"
CCO: "Could u left click on start and find 'MyComputer'?"
Customer: "I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?"

Rabri Devi died and went to hell (as expected…)… As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.She asked, “What are all those clocks?” Yamraj answered, “Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.” “Oh,” said Rabri, “Who’s clock is that?” Yamraj answered, “That’s Gautam Buddha’s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie.” “And whose clock is that?” “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entirelife.” Rabri asked, “Where’s my Laloo’s clock?” “Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, “I’m using it as ceiling fan".
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God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time on earth. He replied saying he had three! Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes!

Subhash Chandra Bose is asked the same question.
When he replies he had 10 children, God is a bit upset and gives him a cheaper car, the Ford.

Jawaharlal is next.
He decides to see what happens if he says he had 15 children, God is pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.

Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot.
They ask why God hadn’t given him anything.
Gandhiji replied with anger, “Some idiot told God that I was the FATHER OF THE NATION!”
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Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Thatcher is thinking: “These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him”

Madhuri is thinking: “Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped.”

Musharraf is thinking: “Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me.”

Vajpayee is thinking: “If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again.”
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Two drunk, Santa and Banta, were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground.

“Is that shit, Banta?” Santa said.

“I don’t really know.” Responded Banta as he bent over, “it smells like shit.”

Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. “It feels like shit!”

Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. “Sure tastes like shit, buddy! I think it’s definitely shit.”

“Hooooeee!” Responded Santa, “Good thing we didn’t step in it!”
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Santa and his girlfriend were out driving one day. He noticed that she kept looking at him and smiling.
Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Can you drive using only one hand ?”
“I sure can", Santa grinned, thinking his luck was in.
“Good", she said, “then wipe your nose; it`s running

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Raj and Saj, now pilots are trying to land an airplane at Heathrow Airport.

They start descending and as they touch the ground Saj screams ‘Oye Raj, the runway is ending…".

Raj swiftly gets the plane back up in the air… They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, Saj screams again “Get the plane up, the runaway is ending…". Raj swiftly gets the plane back up in the air… They make a big turn and start descending again… This goes on again and again…

During their fourth descent Raj says : “Look at those stupid Brits, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..", “I know” answers Saj, “But look how wide they made it….”
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Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.

One said to the other, “What’s the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun.”

“But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we’ll melt.”

And the first answered, “So what, we’ll go at night.”
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Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - ” May Bhagwan help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - “I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster” Saying so, he let go of his turban.

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Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he’s never seen before.

“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Santa, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.

“Don’t worry,” Banta says, “just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t just shout ‘Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!’ and fake an asthma attack.

“So that night, Santa knocks at the girl’s door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: …"Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!”
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Santa was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, Santa declared loudly, “I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don`t charge me for food and drinks!”
So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, Santa began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food.
“Excuse me, what is that drink?” he asked.
Santa picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, “Milk of India!”
Then Santa took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting.
“And what is that dish?” asked the curious American.
“Wheat of India!” replied Santa proudly.
Finally, Santa took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.
“What is it?” asked the American.
“Sweets of India!” replied Santa.
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud `Pooooooooot!` sound (fart) from Santa.
“What was that?” asked the American, holding his nose in disgust.
Santa replied coolly, “That`s Air India.”

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Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. “Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar,” he says, ” it says here,
‘Answer the following questions in brief’.".

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